Iori's Blog
by vapid-nomenclature
Summary: Hey, this is Iori. I'm not allowed to swear in the summary, but yeah, this is a collection of some of my online blog entries. Check it out. I'll update when I can. Remember me when you look at the moon. Iori
1. Opening To My Blog

***IORI'S BLOG***

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Hey! I decided to do something different. I wrote this in the eyes of Iori. The first entry is a regular story with Iori's commentary. The rest are written by Iori himself. I don't own King Of Fighters or anything else mentioned in here. All characters are created by SNK. You know, all that legal limbo.

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MaidenMasher wrote:

Hey, what's up. I decided to go through my damn blog and pull out some of my best entries. Now you're fucking thinking "Iori, I didn't know you kept a blog!!! :3" Fuck you. I write about my life, too. One entry has my commentary and is written by a narrator because I got shit from different sources. The rest of the shit though, is all me. Check it out.

Remember, think of me when you see the moon.

~Iori


	2. Why I Hate Drinking With Vice and Mature

Iori's Blog

Sunday, 4:50PM 8/12/96

_I was just sitting in my fucking apartment when those bitches called wanting to go to….some….piece of shit club or something. Goddamn it. I didn't want to go anywhere. Fuck. So, here's what fucking happened. If you even fucking care, you assholes. I took the time to write this, you know._

_

* * *

_"Sweets," Vice cooed into the phone. "Come on….you know you want to go…." Iori wasn't answering right away; he was too irritated. "I'm not going," he snarled. Iori was still angry over the last few times they went out to drink. One, everyone kept commenting how he and the girls looked so much like the Human League. Two, Vice and Mature were acting very slutty. This annoyed Iori a lot. Three, the girls would drink more than they could handle. Vice kept throwing up. Iori joked saying that he could put her out of her misery. He sounded a bit too serious, though….Mature had to pee behind a car, as Vice kept watch for her….as she was puking. Iori was too busy smoking a cigarette. "I should've just fucking left them here…." He grumbled, knowing he was their only ride home. He had picked them up. "I'm NOT a fucking babysitter, you damn whores…" As Mature got up and straightened herself out, she held on to Vice's arm to support her. "Hun, you okay?" Vice nodded wearily. "I feel like shit…" she stumbled over to Iori. "DON'T fucking get near me, you puking cock sucking bitch."

* * *

G_eez, they were pissing me off ALL fucking night. I couldn't even have a damn beer because we went to a bar outside of fucking Southtown. That PISSED me off. They didn't wanna go to the Illusion because Chiz was there just that ONE time we went. Well, I guess I can tell you what happened that night before I go on about this past time we went fucking drinking…._

_

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_

"What's SHE doing here?" Mature demanded to know. She was leaning towards Vice, eying the modest Chizuru Kagura, who was sitting down, dressed up in conservative nightlife clothes. She didn't appear to be having a good time. She danced a few with her friends Mai and King, even wowing the crowd, but Mai and Yuri started getting drunk. That's when things started getting downhill. "Chizuru, I know, I know…" King sighed, folding her arms. Also, Chizuru didn't appreciate guys hitting on her constantly.

* * *

_Yeah, fucking sluts. I don't blame Chizuru. Too bad they're whores! Haha._

_

* * *

_Vice was staring, too. "She doesn't belong in here, babe." Mature and Vice were still fixing their eyes with evil on Chizuru while drinking their beers. Meanwhile, Yuri and Mai are dancing in a provocative, but drunken fashion. "Wooo! Take it off!!" Clark shouts from the crowd of men watching. Ralf hi-fived him."Mai's got quite a rack, bud. Though Yuri's got hardly any tits, she's got ass." They drank their beers while watching them dance, laughing and joking. They had the weekend off, so they went out for beer.

_

* * *

What fucking enjoyment do they fucking get? Hey, I mean, damn. I get lucky once in a while, but shit. Get a fucking life. If you can't, come see me. I'll fix that. You'll never have to worry about shit EVER again._

* * *

"Should I say something?" Vice wondered. Mature grinned. "I'd like to see her reaction, most definitely." As Vice was about to make her way to the Kagura, Mature stopped her briefly. "Where's Iori?" Vice's facial expression went from pure ruthlessness to a bit of concern. "I-I…I'm not sure….I know he can take care of himself…." She turned to Mature. "We shouldn't worry about him too much though. He's a GROWN man." Mature nodded. "I know. I'm afraid he's gonna beat the shit out of someone though."

_

* * *

I was outside taking a smoke. A FUCKING smoke. These bitches came outside screaming that they were worried and all that nice shit. I have a feeling I'm going to end up killing these two in the future._

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The three went back inside. Iori saw Chizuru. He was a bit surprised. Vice caught this reaction. "Something wrong, sweets?" Vice murmured pretentiously to Iori. Iori didn't say anything. They continued over to the bar, where Chizuru was at with King. King and Chizuru were talking about something. "Yeah, I think I'm going to sponsor the next tournament, but I'm not sure yet," Chizuru responded to King's question about joining the King of Fighters tournament. "I think me, Kasumi Todoh, and (sigh)Mai…are going to form a team. Yuri's joining with Ryo and Robert." Chizuru noticed her sighing at Mai's name. "So, how's the living situation going?" King started shaking her head. "Chizuru, I love the girl to death, but she drives me NUTS!" she said animatedly shaking a hand frantically, and laughing nervously afterwards. "I have a feeling we're going to all have to crash at my place," she said, noticing Mai and Yuri were getting a bit sloppy, and they're ditzy to begin with. Iori and the girls finally made at to the bar. King noticed. "Why, it's Phil Oakey and his girls!!" she joked. Iori froze. "Who?" He was clueless. Mature started to giggle. Iori whipped his head towards her. "What??" He waited for her to stop laughing. Chizuru tried holding in laughs, not caring if Iori brought evil with him. Mai stumbled over to where they were. Chizuru's eyes bulged and straightened up Mai's tank top before anyone else saw that one of her breasts was hanging out. "Mai….get a hold of yourself…." Chizuru muttered as she tucked Mai in. Mai saw Iori. "Yagaaaami….heeeeey…I'm druuunk…heh..heh!!" Iori stared. "I can fucking see that, you cunt," he snapped. Chizuru and King glared at Iori. He ignored them out of apathy. "Okay, who the fuck is this Phil Oakey bastard??" Mai squealed. "Ooh! Oooh! I know! I know!! Ding ding ding!! I knooooow…." She almost fell over, but Chizuru grabbed her, grabbed the bottle out of Mai's hand, got off the stool she was sitting on, and sat her down. "Sit down," the priestess was firm. Mai stayed put, then spoke. "They're the Human Leeeeeeague…" Iori felt anger rushing up to his head. Vice looked at Mature. They both smiled. Mature had the same thought, and they turned and suddenly started singing "Don't You Want Me". Iori whipped around and practically screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID ASS BITCHES!!!" It got quiet in the whole club.

_

* * *

How fucking embarrassing. I smoked a whole pack that night. More shit went down. And they wonder why I don't want to go with them…_

* * *

Iori went to the other side of the club to avoid the women. He was too steamed up. He almost killed Vice and Mature right there. Mature teared up a little, but she had Vice by her side, who actually thought it was funny. As Iori was chilling alone in an area where a few people were dancing, suddenly he heard something. "Hey, mate," a voice said from behind Iori. Iori turned around. It was Billy Kane and Eiji Kisaragi. Iori stared. "What do you want?" Eiji crossed his arms as he stood beside Billy as people were dancing all around them. Billy spoke again. "We want to go about pummeling you, chum," he declared, rhythmically beating his stick into his other palm. Eiji spoke next. "You're about to taste revenge, and ask for more. I guarantee that!" Then, someone pushed through them. It was Yashiro. He had decided to take Shermie out while Chris was asleep at home. He dressed up in a fancy white suit with a red tie. "Yagami, there you are, you piece of shit. I heard your ass was coming tonight." Billy stared at Iori menacingly, as Yashiro was in Iori's face. "Let's go out back, asshole." Iori stood rigid. "Pansy ass faggot, I'll spit on your corpse and take a piss while I'm at it," Iori said coldly. Yashiro shoved Iori. "Yeah? Yeah? Then do something about this shit, huh?" Some people turned around and noticed them arguing. Eiji and Billy stood back. "I'm actually glad this fool showed up," Eiji mentioned to Billy. Billy nodded. "Aye." At a far glimpse, King noticed Iori and a white haired gentleman leave. "Shit…" King said, as she started making her way over. "Chizuru, watch the girls…" Chizuru looked over at Mai, who was making out with Yuri very heavily and intensely for a good six minutes. Chizuru groaned. "Why….?" She was very disturbed.

_

* * *

Okay, so peopl-, excuse me, DOUCHEBAGS wanted to fight me. No big fucking deal. What I didn't expect was that Yashiro had a gun on him. That was some bullshit. _

* * *

"What, asswipe? You actually think I'm gonna pop a hot one in your fucking head? No, shithead. It's for putting you out of your misery when I beat your ass in so hard," Yashiro informed to clear up any confusion. Iori was slightly nervous about the gun issue, but he didn't want to show any concern. They were in the alley behind the club. "After you die, I'm tossing you in the trash. It's not really good to fucking litter, you know?"

_

* * *

I thought if I charged at him, he'd fucking end it right there. Cheap ass. Well, here went nothing... This dude had serious fucking beef with me._

* * *

"I'm gonna rip the shit out of you." Yashiro grabbed Iori by the shirt and pounded him a couple times and tossed him down. Iori growled, got up, and landed a few punches on Yashiro. "Don't get my fucking suit dirty!" Yashiro yelled as he countered Iori's last punch into an aerial uppercut. Iori flopped over, and tried to air recover, but he hit the ground before he could. Yashiro came down and began to charge a powerful punch. Iori didn't see him charging as he was getting up, and Yashiro released it as Iori finally got to his feet. Iori flew down the alley a bit. Yashiro rushed to try to catch him, but as Iori hit the ground, Yashiro got a hold of him, and started slamming him multiple times on each side of him. Iori felt weak as he hit the ground again after the final slam. "Shiiiiit!!!!" He felt a lot of pain, but mustered up enough energy as Yashiro stood back. "Ready to give up, you worthless shitpony?" he spat. He kicked Iori in the chest. "Huh? Ready to give up?" he kicked him again, grinning. Iori grabbed Yashiro's leg, threw him upward, as he spiraled in the air, with purple flames. Yashiro fell backwards, but caught his landing with his hands. He propelled himself forward. "Ha. That did nothing," Yashiro sneered. He punched Iori in the face. He kept doing it until Iori dodged the twelfth punch and charged into Yashiro doing a multitude of slashings. Iori's speed started picking up around the eighteenth slash, and after 10 seconds Iori finally got a good grip on Yashiro and purple explosions came about, with Yashiro screaming. Yashiro fell over, with his suit ruined. It seemed like someone was watching them, because Shermie came running with police beside her. "He's the one!" Shermie cried, pointing at Iori. Iori was dumbfounded as police cuffed him.

_

* * *

I was pissed. Yashiro played along with Shermie, and I was the one who got kicked out. The bitches didn't answer the fucking phone._

* * *

"Why didn't you answer the GODDAMN phone, you moron??" a half clothed Vice was screaming in the phone with Iori. Mature, Mai, Vice, and Yuri were all camping out at Mai and King's apartment. Chizuru had gone home; she was sick of all that was going on the night before, and had enough when Mai tried kissing her. King didn't blame her and kept apologizing; King had to stay behind at the Illusion to clean up and close. She gave Chizuru the keys to the apartment and car, and offered her to stay if she wanted. Chizuru at least put the girls to sleep in the living room before she left. Her car was parked at King's. King would get a ride from a co-worker.

* * *

Vice seemed to get louder and louder on the phone. "FINE!!!" she hung up and seethed. "Darling…" Mature started. Vice was angry. "He said that he got in a fight, and he's mad because we got too drunk, and didn't call him. What an asshole." Yuri finally woke up. The girls were sharing blankets and pillows on the floor like a slumber party. Yuri was the least clothed. King came into the living room and saw the girls with hardly any clothes on. King turned away. "I…don't even want to know WHAT the HELL went on…" Mature said something. "Chizuru put our clothes in the washer, King." King finally remembered." Right…after you guys were making out, you puked on one another. Great…." Mai sighed, "As usual, Yuri was being the skanky whore she always is…" Yuri snapped at Mai. "Like, fuck you. You were whoring, too. You, like, kept touching me, you fucking slut." King left the room, disgusted.

* * *

_And there you fucking have it, why I hate going out with Vice and Mature. Chizuru posted a blog about what happened on her end. King told me a little bit. Shit….bitches. I'm going to go smoke. _


	3. What A Morning

Iori's Blog

Tuesday 6:00PM 3/6/97

_Yeeep. I just got fired. You heard me. I could tell you about my days at working at the Southtown grocery store…HAHAHA!!! That was so FUCKING rich. Man, what a way to go out. However, this isn't the place I'm talking about. I was doing some customer service at some shithole. Yeah, that's the nice way of saying "telemarketer". Shit, it was fun for a while. I made craploads of money, so I don't even fucking care right now. I got shit stashed away. So…without any further ado…let me tell you what fucking happened._

Okay, so it was a Monday morning. I got some fucking bagels from this stupid kid at Southtown Donuts. I should've gone to Dunkin Donuts instead. I asked for a fucking bagel sandwich with egg, sausage, tomato, and lots of fucking bacon. I don't do coffee, so I asked for some orange juice. How FUCKING hard is that? Answer me. How hard is that? Goddammit, then the girl at the register started bitching. If I put Kyo's face on her, her ass would've been dead. No doubt. Yeah, I'm an asshole, but we assholes got feelings, too. I want a damn sandwich. Anyway, I get it and leave. I was so pissed. I also have to stop at the gas station real quick, and get some smokes.

What do you know; Chizuru's getting ready to go to work, too. She's filling her car up, too. She's got some…I don't even fucking know…some corporate bullshit job she owns. She's standing on top of the ladder while I'm trying to fucking climb it. It's like I'm saying,"hey, Chiz. While you're up there, could you be a dear and drop me some fucking money?" She's like Top Bitch or something. She's not bad or anything, but she's so fucking prudish…and everything is BUSINESS, BUSINESS, BUSINESS. She can be too fucking serious. She needs to fucking lighten up. I try to be nice, and I say hi. She smiles and says hi, too. "Hey, Iori, how's the morning going so far?" Shit, it hasn't even started yet. I try not to be a dick, since she pretty much expects that. Then, again, who doesn't. "It's 6 in the morning," I said. Chiz just smiles. Typical small talk. She's going to her fucking office building that SHE owns. She's not even fucking 30 yet.

It reminds me (sorry for getting off topic. I'm just writing a whole bunch of useless shit ) when me and Kyo got into it when Chiz needed to meet up with us about the fucking seal. Now. You're thinking, "hey, that's her job!" EXACTLY. This concerns me none, yet, she comes crying for me and twatmunch's assistance. Man, I want to kill Kyo SO bad, but not yet, at least. Okay…what the fuck was I talking about? Right, Chiz needed to meet up. We decided to have lunch at…fuck, what's that place on the main road….shit, it doesn't matter. Anyway, she was being a tightass about everything. She doesn't like having fun. I swear to the fucking devil himself. She really doesn't. That's why she loves going to work.

I went in to get my smokes and Chiz went in to get some coffee and pay. She was all dressed up in some expensive shit, I don't even know. I didn't really care. I needed to get my shit, and get on the fucking road. She was humming something as we stood in line. It sounded pretty stupid. As I mentioned before, I'm an asshole. Deal with it. Her turn came up to pay and oh my fucking god, here's what I was over hearing:

Piece of shit cashier (let's call him BOB, shall we?)

**BOB:** Miss Kagura! The usual, I'm guessing?

**Chiz:** Yes, please. Thank you, Nolan (shit, okay, so his name ISN'T Bob. Who fucking cares.)

**BOB:** and what number was the pump?

**Chiz:** Number 4, Premium. (excuuuuse me, Princess. Wow, I can't fucking believe I quoted that shit…now you know…Iori watches cartoons. Happy now? I prefer Happy Tree Friends though. That shit's great.)

**BOB:** Alright, here's your cappuccino with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles, and your total is $53.67 (WHAT THE SHIT!!!)

**Chiz:** Here you go. (She handed that bitch a Benjamin like it was nothing. What a bitch.)

"See you, Iori. Message me on Facebook or something. No, I'll message you after I get off of work. I want to go motorbike riding sometime." Alright, whatever. I paid for the cheap gas with a ten and I get the hell out of there.

So, you fucking bastards, you're waiting for the part I got fired, huh? Are you? Well, here it comes, you sons of motherfucking bitches.

Okay, SO….my boss gave me some leads, and yeah, yeah…I call them, like usual. People always hanging up and shit. There's a fucking dress code…I have to wear a tie now. Nothing wrong with ties, but they said it was after co-workers were abusing the system. I want to abuse them, pieces of shit. Anyway, I get this old lady who I called. She starts fucking cussing me out! I wasn't going to take that shit, so I stopped reading the script and I improvised!!! Before I knew it, my boss came to my desk and told me he was letting me go.

**Me:** Hello, this is Iori calling from Southtown Life and Casualty. Are you interested in protecting your loved ones?

**Old lady:** yeah, that's why I bought a shot gun, sonny. Bahhh! Fuck off!

**Me:** We have three different policies. Our first one ensures that you'll die of old age. Our second looks over your belongings and sells them. And our final one says FUCK YOU TOO!

**Old lady:** As I said before, I HAVE A SHOTGUN!!! BAHHH!!! I'll put HOLES in ya, sonny!!

**Me:** I'll rip you to shreds. I happen to be running out of toilet paper at home.

**Old lady:** looks like you'll need life insurance after I SHOOT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! ASSHOLE!!! BAHHH!! Cunt ass faggot boy, I'll beat your butt like I did my kids back in the 50s, with a fucking paddle with their names engraved in it!! I'll beat you till you bleed to death, fucker!!!

**Me:** listen, you old fucking hag….I'll light your ass on fire and eat you alive. So bring your saggy, wrinkly ass to the office and I'll rip out all of your organs and make a smoothie out of them. Then, I'll drink them in front of your grandchildren.

**Old lady:** I'm reporting you for harassment!!

**Me:** I'll report you for senility, you old bitch!!! Have a nice day!!! [slam]

I look up and everyone in the office is staring at me, and my boss is standing right there. He doesn't appear to be smiling. Me neither.

I sit here typing in my blog because I have nothing else better to fucking do. I don't have a job right now, but I'm thinking of applying for a position at Boston Market as a butcher.


	4. What A Dumbass Kid

Iori's Blog

Saturday 11:58PM 9/2/97

Hey, do all of you know who the fuck Mai Shiranui is? You know, chick with the huge knockers? Yeah, her. Well, her and that dumbass cunt Yuri get on my damn nerves. There's someone more annoying than them. My fucking god, I never HATED anyone as much as I do this little shit. Wow, I would gladly kill him off along with Kyo. I would snap his neck and watch his life slip past him as if he missed the shortbus. Yeah, Shingo Yabuki. I fucking hate that kid. I just met him this year. He starting following Kyo around like a dumb little puppy. All because he saw us on tv last year. Now he wants to grow up and have a career in being Kyo. What a used douchebag. So, one day, I went up to Kyo on the street and asked him:

**me:** Who's that dumb little shithead that keeps licking your ass?

**Kyo:** What's it to you, Yagami?

**me:** Oh, I didn't know you went that way. Pardon me, that's-

**Kyo:** Shut up. He's some kid that goes to my school.

**me:** Tsk…still haven't graduated yet. Didn't your mom ever teach you anything?

**Kyo:** Well, at least I still have a mom.

_That was pretty fucking low….but I don't give a shit. He just gives me more reasons to kill him._

**me:** Shitfuck. I hate you. Now who's that motherfucker that's trying to date you?

**Kyo:** he's just some kid that wants me to teach him moves. He won't go away.

**Me:** sucks to be you, doesn't it?

**Kyo:** Sure, Yagami. Yeah. Now if you excuse me, I got to go find Yuki.

**Me:** You pump and dump her yet?

**Kyo:** dude, shut the fuck up.

**Me:** No. Make me.

**Kyo:** Maybe I will, asshole.

It was pretty intense. We almost went at it in the street. Then, that fucking kid showed up. He whined "Kyoooooooooooooyoyoyoyoyoyoyoooooooooooooooooooooo!" We stopped glaring at each other to see what this asshat wanted. Sure enough, he wanted to know how to do a move. I stepped up. "Hey, I'll show you a move." Shingo just stared at me. "Kyo wields flames." My big mistake was proving to him I did, too. This fucking pig squealed and squealed until I thought it was time for him to go to the slaughterhouse. "Okay, shut the fuck up, and I'll teach you a move since Kyo won't." Shingo was quiet for once and listened like the little bitch he was."Alright, do this stance." Shingo copied my stance. A car was coming by and I picked up the shithead and threw him towards the moving vehicle. The car hit him and he flopped over. It was pretty funny. I wish it killed him though. From that day forward, Shingo knew I hated him.


	5. Such A Crappy Band Don't See Them

Iori's Blog

Oh, shit. You'll love this. Some of you fuckers may know that I'm in a band. We took some other shitty band's spot, and guess what?? They ALL have beef with me, especially the faggot ass named Yashiro. WOW. He was PISSED. This dude literally wanted to kill me. Over stupid shit. Oh, it was funny as hell. He put holes in walls, broke a door, this man was a fucking loser. Their band was called, let me check the fucking flyer really quick…oh, it was CYS…what a stupid band name. HA. Let me tell you about the rejects in this half put together shitbitch. There's, of course, Mr. Faggotcandy. He wants to beat up everything. Then, there's some twat who's got some problem with her hair. She can't fucking see, I bet. Then, you got this fucking kid in the band. He wears this stupid necklace thing. Oh! And he's Swedish, so I've heard. I've heard their songs on the fucking radio. WOW….they're shit….NOT the shit, just SHIT. Imagine the music earlier from this decade that was fucking pounding in the clubs. The girl sings, the guy raps, catchy melodies. Yeah. Except, it's not good. OH!!! HAHA. How could I forget to tell you about the scuffle we had when I ran into them at the Pao Pao Café.

**Yashiro:** Oh, guys, look. It's that asshole that took our spot!!

**Me:** well,you never fucking showed up on time.

**Yashiro:** Bullshit. BULLSHIT. You are full of shit.

**Shermie:** We lost a lot of fucking money because of you. Thanks a lot! (she tried spitting on me once. Yashiro got her to stop. Aww. That's kind.)

**Me:** And this is my fault…why??

**Chris:** You stole our show, Mister! That wasn't very nice.

**Shermie:** Chris, here's some money. Go on and get you a soda, okay? Meet us over at the back table. We're gonna get some food soon, okay?

**Chris:** Okay, Shermie. Thanks! (runs off)

**Me:** You just bribed that kid, you cunt. Hahaha.

**Shermie:** Watch it. You better watch it.

**Yashiro:** You piece of shit excuse for a person, let's take this outside.

**Me:** why are we fighting about your being late…?

**Yashiro:** Bitchass douchefuck. I'm gonna FUCK up your shit, you pussy bitch motherfucker, you got me??

**Me:** hahaha….you don't scare me.

He was up in my face screaming, veins popping out of his head. This dude was trying to make me feel less of nothing. HAHA. We scheduled a fight for this Friday at the docks.

Oh, speaking of music….wow…Vice and Mature wanted to start a eurodance group. You know, fuck, let's see…Snap, 2 Unlimited, Haddaway. Fucking Haddaway. Goddamn. They convinced me to do some…haha…get ready for this one….rapping. I don't fucking rap. It was probably one of the worst experiences I had. I only did it because I was desperate for money. We made a CD and not a single song on it was good. Particularly because fucking Vice nor Mature couldn't sing. Shit. It was pretty dancy though. Southtown radios played our hit single, "Dance To the Deadbeat" for a while, then after 6 months, finally everyone started to realize we sucked. Ask me for a copy of the CD and I might send it your way on one condition: don't tell your fucking friends about it. If I get someone outside people who read and comment on my blog asking for a copy, I'll find them and… you know the rest. We did have another song, "I Got Hit By The Groovetrain". WOOOOW. It was so fucking bad. Like I said, don't tell your damn friends.


	6. Put That Bitch In Her Place

Iori's Blog

5/2/09

Ahhhh…it kinda feels good to make someone cry, you know? You ever get that fucking feeling? Today, I was walking from the store. I bought a few fucking snacks. Hot Pockets, what fucking have you. I took a smoke at the corner, and lo and behold, here comes Athena. She's with that kid Kensou. I'm surprised he hasn't boned Athena yet to my knowledge. They were coming towards my way.

**Kensou:** Athena, that stuff was pretty disgusting.

**Athena:** yeah, tell me about it. How does Master Chin stand to drink it?

**Kensou:** I guess we'll understand when we get older.

At this point, I decide to butt in. Kensou was being all defensive and shit. He needs to fucking calm the hell down. Oh, okay! Okay! Here's what made Athena cry. It was funny as hell:

**Kensou:** Yagami, you're the one who needs to cool it.

**Me:** o rly?

**Kensou:** yeah. I'm not trying to pick a fight, so we're-

**Me:** Haha, dude…you get mad at me fo-

**Athena:** leave him alone.

**Me:** Bitch, was I talking to you?

**Athena:** Watch your language. [she's trying to be serious and pointing her fucking finger at me] I mean it.

**Kensou:** Okay, let's just drop this. Alright?

**Me:** So, Kensou….you and Athena-

**Athena:** NO. I mean, n-no, w-[then, she's just stuttering]

**Me:** Kensou, sometimes you just gotta say "put out or get out". You know, some women aren't just worth your time.

**Kensou:** Damn...

**Me:** I know, right?

**Athena:** Th-that's th-[then she starts bawling. It's great. I light a cigarette up as they walk away. That's not the end of it though.]

I heard they have an apartment together. Separate rooms. I guess they're going to Southtown University. Hell, I went to Southtown Tech for a quarter and dropped out. Shit, I didn't want to be in fucking debt forever. I heard Kyo might be getting his GED. Finally. About damn time. He should've been out a year ago, but he fucking flunked. What a dumbass.

Anyway, I ran into Kensou on my way to the fucking Post Office. I was smoking a fat one. I let that pussy know I wasn't gonna be hostile, but I pulled him aside to give him some advice. I guess he was on his way to pick up some stuff for Athena. "Dude, don't be her bitch. She should get her own shit." The boy stuttered saying he was going to get himself some things, too. Kill two Kyos with one Iori, as they say. Bullshit, no he wasn't. He's fucking whipped.

**Me:** what's the farthest you've gotten with her?

**Kensou:** well, um, Yagami, I shouldn't be discussing this-

**Me:** what, you don't fucking trust me??

**Kensou:** [he had the fucking nerve to laugh nervously. Well I guess he answered my fucking question.]

**Me:** dude, I just wanna help you out a bit. Usually, I don't give a shit, and laugh at pussies like you. So, just fucking tell me, how far did you and Athena go?

**Kensou:** I made out with her once….

**Me:** and…….?

**Kensou:** f-felt her up….

**Me:** that's it? THAT'S IT??

**Kensou:** yeah, dude.

**Me:** well, what fucking stopped you??

**Kensou:** she did. She just took my hands out of her shirt and said,"we should just stay friends. I can't do this. I feel gross."

**Me:** Do you want to deal with this shit anymore? Huh?? Okay, where are you going?

* * *

Okay, comes to find out, Athena wanted this gopher bitch to fetch the following:

Please fucking follow along.

-one Allure magazine from the checkout aisle at our local fucking grocery store

-some noodles (okay, sounds like she's going to be the one in the kitchen. Hopefully. If not, this guy's getting duped. For real.)

-one bag of mandarin oranges

-a box of tampons (what the fuck….no. Nope. Fuck that.)

-a few Lean Cuisine tv dinners

-a box of rice

-a pound of fish

Wow, and I bet he's using his OWN money. So, what I did was I changed the list a bit. I told him just to go with it.

* * *

Here's my edited copy for Kensou:

-one Playboy magazine

-a box of spaghetti (hey, the bitch didn't specify what type of noodles!!)

-a bag of tangerines

-a box of condoms

-the regular tv dinners

-a box of Rice Krispies

-a can of tuna

* * *

The following week, I ran into Kensou and he said he slept at Shingo's place for the weekend. DAMN. Oh, and Kensou said Athena bawled like a motherfucker and threw stuff at him. She tried calling his cell all weekend. Well, that's bitches for you.

That's fucking all for now, fuckers. Catch you later. I got an email from Kyo about the upcoming tournament. I'll post pictures on my Flickr account. You know my name. For those who don't, it's the same as my blog name SN, maidenmasher. Fuck, just type in "pics, kof09", and you'll get the fucking pics. Oh, for those of you that commented on the last entry about Chiz, she's fine. She just can't fucking fight anymore in KOF.

Seeya fuckers.

~Iori


End file.
